It Takes One to Know One

Fox News, Fair and Balanced? Yeah right! (Please notice the sarcasm dripping all over this entry)

Sean Hannity Calls Congressman "Asshole" | Oliver Willis

Evil Corporate America Is Out To Get You!

Should any of us really be surprised that the credit card companies are raising the minimum payments due, less than a month after Congress passed laws making it more difficult to declare bankruptcy because of credit card debt?

I'm in the credit card mess myself...we are digging out bit by bit, but I hate the mess that we've put ourselves into. I try to give this advice to every kid about to graduate high school. Avoid credit cards and credit card debt at all cost!!

Banks bump monthly amount due on credit cards

Baseball, Steroids, Congress, Iraq, and the WWF?????

Red Roach is at it again with another hilarious entry. Actually there is very little he writes that doesn't amuse the crap out of me. Check it out.

In These Troubled Times The Wall Street Journal Covers The Important Issues

The price of gas is skyrocketing......
Social Security may or may not be in a crisis......
The value of the dollar is dropping like a rock.....
Health Care costs are spiraling out of control......

But at least the Wall Street Journal is covering the important stories of the day.

Have you thanked an SUV driver today?

Bush is wasting all his time on trying to solve the so-called Social Security crisis (which won't actually be a problem for 30 or more years), but we have an oil crisis right now which he won't do jack squat about. Hmmmmm? I wonder why not? Who's getting rich because of rising oil prices? And trust me its not just OPEC.

MSNBC - OPEC says it has lost control of oil prices

Corporate America Sucks

Bankruptcy Bill Said to Hit Poorest Americans Hardest

New ways to get fired

ChoicePoint: We're sorry for data leak

Report Says U.S. Banks Helped Pinochet

Pentagon 'hid' damning Halliburton audit


Ex-WorldCom CEO Ebbers guilty

Sleepless in Houston

Gasoline flirts with record highs

SEC files suit against ex-Qwest bosses

Questions About Earnings Manipulation Weigh on A.I.G.

Status of high-profile corporate scandals

Fed chief relied on 'wrong' forecast

Police in Burbank, Calif., arrested two protesters yesterday who tried to stop transport trucks from hauling about 28 electric cars from a General Motors Corp. storage yard and taking them to be destroyed.

The Washington Post reported last weekend that an Indian tribe and a gambling services company made donations to a policy group that covered most of the cost of a $70,000 trip to Britain by DeLay, his wife, two aides and two lobbyists in mid-2000, two months before DeLay voted against legislation opposed by the tribe and the company.

Good To See Americans Finally Coming To Their Senses

I hate to pay so much for gas as the next person, but I'm glad to see that it is having the positive effect of getting some of these stupid SUV's off the road.

McDonald's Jobs Being Outsourced?

If they've figured out a way to outsource a crappy McDonald's job they will certainly figure out a way to outsource each and everyone of our jobs. Hmmmm and they wonder why employees don't have loyalty anymore?

Some Guys Have All The Luck

What can I do to get a bare-breasted protest directed towards me?

International News Article | Reuters.com

1:1 In-ay e-thay eginning-bay Od-gay eated-cray e-thay eaven-hay

Yesterday was one of those life milestones (i.e., 37th birthday) where it seemed like it would be a good time to take stock of my life. How do I do this? I go to the website Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age.
What a mistake! My day is absolutely ruined when I discover that Earl Vickers has already translated the entire Bible into Pig Latin. What am I to do with my life now?

Earl-ay Ickers-vay you-ay astard-bay!

Do I Need A Catch Phrase?

I want to transform my life into a sitcom. Why?

1. No one ever works on a sitcom. They might go to work, but they don't do anything.
2. Despite the lack of work there is never a shortage of cash.
   
3. The women in my life would all show lots of cleavage.
4. Any problem that I might have would be wrapped up within 30 minutes.
5. My life would be extra special every February and November for sweeps.
   
6. I would always have something funny to say.
   

My first step in developing my sitcom life is for me to adopt a catch phrase. With that in mind I've been reading this book called Zounds: A Browser's Dictionary of Interjections. I have narrowed my catch phrase possibilities to the following choices:

1. Whoop-de-do
2. Uffda
3. Gadzooks
4. Trollope
   
5. Gardyloo
6. Alakazam
7. Stuff and nonsense!
8. Oopsy daisy
9. Zut alors!
10. Outta sight!
    

Death by Improbability

I spend far too much time worrying about dying. Its not death so much that I am worried about, it is dying in some very embarrassing manner. These are some of the ways that I have met my demise in my daydreams this week.

1. Death by impalement. I have a car accident while I am picking my nose. The accident doesn't kill me, but my finger is forced so deep into my nose that I poke my brain and I die of a massive brain hemorrhage. Of course the EMT's discover me with my finger jammed into my nose and laugh about my demise for years.

2. Attacked by a fish. This isn't just any fish attack. I am skinny dipping (for those of you that know me I apologize for the gruesome image of me naked; for those of you that don't know me I look like a sexier version of Brad Pitt), and some fish mistakes my wiener for a worm. I die of blood loss. My body is discovered naked and wienerless. This phobia is strong enough that one time I actually turned down skinny dipping with a cute woman.

3. Escalator. I notice my shoelaces are untied while riding an escalator. A horrible image of my shoelace getting caught in the escalator flashes before my eyes, so I lean over to re-tie my laces, as I'm leaning over the seat of my pants rip down the middle, and at that very instant someone hits the escalator's emergency stop button. At this point I completely lose my balance and tumble down the escalator steps smashing my head repeatedly. The final words I hear before dying are: "Did you see that fat ass rip his pants?"

Damn, do I need some serious psychiatric counseling!